Seeing Carl Again

When they broke up five years ago, Gloria cried herself to sleep many nights. some days, she hated Carl and felt like she wanted to kill him. On other days, she couldn't live without Carl and wanted to sit on the beach with him and watch the sun set over the Pacific Ocean. But twelve months after their break up, Gloria had more or less moved on with her life.

So, Gloria's running into Carl at the bookstore in downtown Portland seemed less like a fluke and more like fate reminding her that no matter how far she had traveled as a person, there would always be reminders of her past ready to haunt her present.

As Gloria, who was being restrained by two Portland police officers, glowered at Carl, he sat at a table, a Sharpie dangling in his hand, looking dazed. Over three dozen of Carl's fans, many with their phones recording, watched and waited to see if the spectacle they had just witnessed was over or if it was just a lull in the action.

"Miss, let's do this nice and easy," the tall police officer said, gently nudging Gloria toward the exit.

The cop's partner, an older man with a linebacker's build, stood on the other side of Gloria. Gloria turned and walked lockstep with the officers as they approached the exit. Right before they crossed the threshold, Gloria shook free of the tall officer's grasp and sprinted across the room and up to the table where Carl, who had resumed signing copies of his graphic novel, sat.

Gloria grabbed Carl by the collar and shouted, "I'm not a stalker. I just happened to have stopped in here. I haven't thought of you in years."

At that moment, the tall cop grabbed Gloria and this time yanked her arms behind her back and slapped handcuffs on her wrists. Gloria gave one last look at Carl and shouted, "I'm over you. I've been over you for years."

Carl looked away, even as Gloria stared at him. This time the husky cop joined his tall partner in controlling Gloria. The officers pushed and shoved Gloria until she stopped resisting and went with them willingly.

As Gloria sat alone in the holding cell at the Portland city jail, she replayed the events from the bookstore in her head. She regretted getting physical with Carl. She wondered if the videos of her going off on Carl had gone viral. She knew the videos would be the perfect reminder to Carl's friends that he made the right choice in leaving her.

Not that anyone would believe Gloria after the way she behaved in the bookstore, but running into Carl really was one of the biggest, if not strangest, coincidences in the world. Gloria had arrived in Portland that morning when the Coast Starlight pulled into Union Station. She was scheduled to leave on the Empire Builder that night. Having never set foot in Portland, Gloria thought she would see some of the city as opposed to spending all day at the train station.

After spending the afternoon along the Willamette River, mainly people watching at Tom McCall Waterfront Park, Gloria ventured into downtown to wander the busy streets. When she came across the bookstore that occupied an entire city block, Gloria went inside, hoping to find a book or two she could read as she traveled from Portland to Washington, D.C.

Gloria walked up to a promotional display for a graphic novel. The display took up an entire wall, just copy after copy of the graphic novel with a cover that featured the Ferris Wheel from the Seattle waterfront. Gloria had once ridden that Ferris Wheel with Carl during a vacation they took during their happier days as a couple.

An employee walked up to Gloria, motioned toward the graphic novel, and said, "It's one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. The woman in the story is absolutely nuts. She's a crazy-ass witch!"

Gloria opened the graphic novel and looked at the first page.

She immediately recognized the apartment building in the first couple of panels as the one she had lived in with Carl. Gloria flipped back to the cover and found the name of the writer - Ben Smith. She thought for a moment, trying to remember if there was a Ben Smith who lived in the building when she did.

Unable to put a face with the name, Gloria flipped back to the first few panels in the graphic novel and looked at them again. Gloria read the words that went with the pictures. The drawings of the exterior of the apartment building were followed by those inside an apartment that was unmistakably the apartment she shared with Carl. The drawings in the graphic novel even had the paintings she and Carl had bought together and later fought over during the break up.

Gloria flipped through the graphic novel and saw drawings of the couple at the center of the story. There was no doubt in Gloria's mind that the Grace and Ben in the story were really she and her ex-boyfriend Carl.

Gloria flipped to the front cover and read the writer's name again. Was Ben Smith Carl's pen name? Gloria was having a hard time wrapping her head around the idea that her former life was fodder for a story.

The entire time they'd lived together, Carl never showed any inkling of wanting to write anything, much less a graphic novel. He never wrote. He would draw from time to time, but rarely completed anything more than a simple sketch. Gloria could not fathom how Carl could go from the guy she knew to a writer with an entire wall in a bookstore devoted to his graphic novel.

When they dated, Carl worked as a graphic artist for a beverage company in Santa Monica. He designed labels used on soda, juice, and water bottles. Gloria didn't understand how the Carl she dated could also be the same person who turned their time together into a story people wanted to read.

Gloria sat down on a bench and read more of the graphic novel. She made it to page three before she slammed shut the book. She didn't like that Carl was making himself into a nice guy

and that she (or Grace) was borderline psycho.

Gloria took a deep breath, exhaled slowly and opened the book to page four and began to read again. By the time she saw the bookstore employee walk by again, Gloria was on page 17. The employee walked up to Gloria, smiled, and asked if she liked the book. Gloria read his name tag.

"It's interesting, Dave," Gloria said, sounding like she didn't share his enthusiasm for the story.

"Maybe there's something else I can help you find," Dave said to Gloria. "We have a lot of books."

"I'm going to buy this graphic novel," Gloria said.

"Well, in that case, you should get it autographed by the writer," Dave said. "He's here today."

"Ben Smith is here?"

"Ben's signing copies right now, if you want to get yours autographed," Dave said. "You'll have to purchase the book first before you can have it signed."

By the time Gloria got in line to have her book signed, it stretched out the room where the actual signing took place and down a flight of stairs and into a room full of non-fiction war books. Gloria opened her graphic novel and continued reading the story. Later, when Gloria had made it into the room where the author was signing books, she saw Ben Smith for the first time and her heart sank. She took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. She inhaled and exhaled several more times before she felt calm.

Gloria closed the book and watched Carl interact with his eager fans. Carl was all smiles and giggles as he signed books and posed for photos. Carl, who had a tendency to be chubby while they dated, was slim and fit, wearing a form-fitting shirt that announced to the world that he practically lived in the gym.

When it was her turn to get her book signed, Gloria stepped forward and dropped her copy of the book on the table. Carl took the book, opened it up, placed his Sharpie on the first blank page, and without looking up he asked, "How do you want me to sign it?"

"I don't know. You can sign it to that crazy bitch who inspired this story. Or sign it to Gloria. Either works fine for me," Gloria said.

Carl lifted his Sharpie off the blank page and looked up at Gloria. She gave him a hard stare. Seconds went by without either of them saying a word. Finally, Gloria shouted, "I can't believe you wrote a bunch of lies about our time together. I was never anything like this Grace."

Carl swallowed, but he didn't say a word. His face seemed perfectly calm. Gloria's face, however, was washed in emotion. She looked at Carl as if inviting him to answer for his crimes. But he didn't say a word.

"That's just like you," Gloria said.

In a fit of anger, Gloria walked over to a display stand filled with copies of Carl's graphic novel and kicked it over. It hit the floor with a thud. Through all this Carl remained calm.

Gloria grabbed a graphic novel and ripped out pages. She threw the book down, picked up another copy and ripped out pages before discarding it. But none of Gloria's actions seemed to faze Carl. He remained seated and looked as if he was in a Zen state.

As horrified fans looked on, many whipping out their cell phones to record the moment, Gloria continued ripping pages from books. As Gloria stomped toward Carl, Portland PD's finest rushed into the room and stood between Gloria and Carl.

The tall officer put his hand up and said, "That's enough, Miss."

Gloria stood still. She shot a look at Carl and thought back to that time when she was so mad at Carl for working late that she took a pair of scissors and cut up his clothes. Even then, Carl managed to remain calm. He went to a thrift store, bought more clothes, and gradually, as he cashed his paychecks, replaced the clothes Gloria had destroyed.

The tall Portland police officer walked up to Gloria and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Let it go," he said as he spun Gloria toward the exit. The stocky cop walked on the other side of Gloria and the three of them marched toward the exit. Then Gloria broke free and told Carl how their being at the bookstore at the same time was a fluke.

When the police employee unlocked Gloria's holding cell and told her she was free to go, Gloria was confused about why she was being released. She asked the man why she was being set free. He shrugged his shoulders and said, "Are you leaving or what?"

When Gloria collected her possessions, she found a signed copy of Carl's graphic novel. A business envelope was stuck in the book. Gloria opened the envelope and found a note from Carl detailing how he had convinced the people at the bookstore to drop the charges against her by telling them the whole thing was a publicity stunt gone wrong. In the letter, Carl wished Gloria all the best and urged her to seek some help for her anger issues.

Seeing the graphic novel, the man behind the desk asked, "Is that book any good?"

Gloria slid the graphic novel across the desk and said, "You can have it. I'm too old for comic books."

First published in Carry the Light 2016