A Real Know-It-All

I married a smart woman. And while I like to think of her as my equal intellectually, the truth is she has me by an IQ point or two. This IQ gap has never been something I've cared about, until this year.

The moment my eight-year-old son decided my wife was the only adult in our home capable of helping him with his homework, I felt compelled to increase my IQ.

The gears were put in motion one night when my wife worked late. Instead of asking me for help with his homework, my son waited until my wife came home.

"You're allowed to ask your father for help with your homework," my wife told him.

"Oh, I didn't think to ask him," my son replied.

"Why?"

"I don't know," he said.

My wife took him at his word, but I suspected there was more to the story.

After intense questioning, he admitted he skipped me on purpose. He thought my wife was, as he so delicately put it, "the smartest person in the house.

After the kids went to sleep, i told my wife what our son said. She, Of course, made excuses designed to make me feel better about the situation.

"Vince, he doesn't really mean that."

"He thinks you are on par with Einstein while I'm the guy who is easily distracted by shiny objects," I said.

"Obviously, he's smarter than 1 thought," she said jokingly.

"Who taught him how to read? i did. Who taught him how to add, subtract and multiply? I did. And after all that he thinks I'm an idiot," said.

"We do like to exaggerate, don't we?"

"Some of us fail to recognize the truth when it is in front of us," said.

I urged my wife to pay more attention to how our son treated me. She agreed to monitor his behavior. Luckily, it didn't take long for him to snub me again.

The next night, my son was sitting next to me at the kitchen table, but walked into the family room to ask my wife about the location of the "Ring of Fire.

Later, when we were alone, my Wife said, "He didn't skip you, Vince. It's just that he didn't want to bother you while you were writing.”

My wife made excuses for our son's behavior for the next week. No matter how many times he snubbed me, which was quite often, my wife had an excuse.

One day, after concluding my son wouldn't change his mind, I decided to learn more about the world in hopes that would regain his confidence.

With my mission defined, I set out to "smarten up." I spent days studying volume after volume of our encyclopedia set (especially volume 7 aka DAMASCU to EDUC).

Less than a month later, my son came to accept my help with his homework. I’m not sure if it was because finally trusted me, or because I gave him the evil eye and said, “Either you allow me to help you with your homework or you don’t get any help!”

Helping my son with his homework did wonders for my self-esteem. I felt great about myself until I overheard my son saying: "N'lom, Dad really shouldn't be helping me. His help is mediocre at best."

At that moment, I made it my mission to convince my son was smarter than my wife, by any means necessary. Well, by any means that didn't require actual learning. And while I hated to resort to dishonesty, it seemed like the only way of achieving my goal.

Because we Tivo episodes of Jeopardy and watch them as permits, I felt I had the perfect opportunity to "prove" once and for all I was as smart as my wife. Without anyone knowing, I watched the episodes several times and memorized most of the answers.

On the night our family watched Jeopardy, I sensed every correct answer I gave improved my son's view of me. By the end of the third show, my son couldn't keep his eyes off me. "Dad, you've become really smart," said.

"I know everything now," said.

I soon became the only parent he asked for help with his homework. In fact, he wouldn’t let my wife help him. One night she asked my son, “Do you want my help?”

"I think Dad can handle it," my son replied, as we continued working. It was one of the happiest moments of my life.

At least until my wife, on her way to relax on the sofa, whispered into my ear, I’ve outsmarted you again.”