Advertising to children

The American Psychological Association has released a report on the effects that adver tising has on young children. In the report, the APA says that advertisers are evil scum and should be taken behind a woodshed for a beating. No, wait, that's me paraphrasing.

The APA said: "Because younger children do not understand persuasive intent in advertising, they are easy targets for commercial persuasion. This is a critical concern because the most common products marketed to children are sugared cereals, candies, sweets, sodas and snack foods."

The American Psychological Association claims that seeing a single commercial is enough to make children show preference for a product.

If that is the case, then it should come as no surprise that some parent-child grocery shopping trips go like this:

Child: I want a box of Lucky Charms!

Parent: I'm sorry, but we will not buy Lucky Charms today.

Child: I really want some.

Parent: Not today.

Child: How about a box of Trix?

Parent: Not today.

Child: Trix are for kids, you silly rabbit.

Parent: Please do not refer to me as a rabbit.

Child: You're a rabbit, rabbit, rabbit! You're nothing but a silly rabbit. I want some $#@A#%# Trix cereal!

Parent: That wasn’t nice. I think you should watch your mouth.

Child: Can you read my lips? I want the kind of cereal I see on TV.

Given the American Psychological Association claim that the average child watches 40,000 commercials a year, I think having all commercials aimed at kids tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth is a step in the right direction.

As a concerned parent (and aspiring copywriter), I have taken the liberty of creating what could be the blueprint for honest advertising. I think truth in advertising to young children would look a lot like this:

Commercial for sugary sweet pops cereal:

(A kid is eating a bowl of cereal. His brother enters the kitchen.)

Brother: Did you know that Sugary Pops cereal is mostly sugar?

Kid: Yep.

Brother: They should only be eaten as part of a balanced breakfast. Don't you want to eat a nutritious breakfast?

Kid: Nope.

Commercial for McHappy's fast food chain:

(Calvin Clown, the McHappy's mascot, dances around a restaurant.)

Calvin Clown: Hey, kids, Our food is loaded with fat and more fat. Why do you think you're lovin' it? Anyway, I'm here to tell you facts. In the old days the entire commercial would have been about fun. Not anymore. Now the truth must be told, If you were to eat our fatty food every day, then there's a good chance you could develop lots of health problems. I have type Il diabetes. I didn't get it until I started eating this food every day. Now I'm preaching moderation. I think that is the key. Now that the truth is out, it is time to appear happy. It is time to dance.

(Calvin Clown dances around the restaurant and small children join what appears to be a conga line.)

Now that the American Psychological Association has shown us that advertising has a lot of influence over children, I think it's up to us to put this knowledge to good use. Perhaps the government could free up a few dollars to make ads promoting healthy eating. Perhaps an advertising campaign could be used to convince little ones of something most parents cannot: that veggies taste great.

If this ever happened, then I'd plop my two-year-old down in front of the TV to let the brainwashing begin. In fact, I'd buy a DVD filled with commercials about great tasting vegetables. And then every night I'd turn to my son and ask, "How would you like to watch a batch of mini-programs? Don't you think that Betty Broccoli is just the cutest?"