A Fairy-Tale Ending

A few years ago, I wouldn't have been caught dead in a theater watching a movie about an ogre with a talking donkey as his sidekick. Yet, there I was in the Ridgefield Playhouse seeing Shrek 2 with my three kids.

What's really odd is that I once had an argument with my wife about how I would never take our son (our first child was only weeks old at the time) to family movies.

"Why should I be bored to death sitting in a theater while our son watches some animated flick with singing animals?" I asked.

"I'll take him to some movies, but you'll have to do your fair share, Vince," she said.

"The last thing I want sit through some dumb movie starring the Olsen twins," I said.

We never resolved anything that night. We had more pressing problems — such as whose job it was to change diapers in the middle of the night — to solve.

Between then and now, I have somehow acquired a taste for family films. I have found movies such as Babe, Monster's Inc., Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Spy Kids and Shrek, very enjoyable. So enjoyable, in fact, that now I rush out to the theater to see certain family movies. This drives my wife nuts.

My wife was out of town the week Shrek 2 opened. Because I didn't want to delay seeing the movie until she returned home, I told her I planned to take the kids to see Shrek 2 at the Ridgefield Playhouse while she was away. "You can't see it without me," she said.

"Do you really expect us to wait until you can see the movie?" I asked.

"Yes."

I called the kids into the room and my wife said, "I think you should wait for me to return home and we can see Shrek 2 as a family."

Thinking it had to be a joke, our kids doubled over with laughter. They couldn't stop laughing.

“'This isn't funny. I think you guys should have the decency to wait for me," my wife said.

We told her we would consider waiting, but the truth is that we all knew we were going without her. In fact, two days later (as soon as the school day ended), we ran from Veterans Park Elementary to the Ridgefield Playhouse to catch a 4:15 showing.

I thought the movie was very entertaining and admired how the creators stuck in lots of little jokes. My personal favorite being the donkey (doing his best Fred Sanford) saying, "I'm coming, Elizabeth."

As enjoyable as the movie was for my family, the real fun started as soon as the question and answer session (that always seem to follow our movie viewings) began.

My four-year-old daughter started by asking, "Will we buy Shrek 2 when it comes out on DVD?”

"Of course," I said.

"Why was Pinocchio wearing women's underwear?" my six-year-old son asked.

I was speechless. I had made a mental note during the movie to come up with an answer to this question, but I was at a lost on how to answer. This didn't, however, stop me from trying. "The screenwriters probably stuck that in the movie to get easy laughs," I said. "The giant gingerbread man was named Mongo just like the Mongo in Blazing Saddles. Not that you know what I'm talking about."

"Oh," he said.

Just as I thought the difficult line of questioning was over, he asked, "What's a thong?"

"That's a good question. It's a kind of underwear that some women wear," I said. "Do you guys want to see Shrek 3 when it comes to theaters?" I asked, hoping to change the subject. It worked.

“Yeah!!!” the kids said.

"Do you think they will visit Shrek's parents in the next movie?" my daughter asked.

"Maybe," I said.

All was silent and then my six-year-old son turned to my daughter and asked, "Wasn't it funny that Pinocchio was wearing a thong?"

"Yeah, that was funny. It was funny when he said he wasn't and his nose grew," she answered. They laughed.

At that moment, it dawned on me that if I had had the decency to wait for my wife, she would be the one answering the questions. But all that's behind us now.

The new "Potter" film is next and after seeing it, we may be able to live happily ever after. Providing it doesn't have a thong in sight.